Nicknames for Dictators

Karfan, the digusted (as his name literally means in Arabic) Syrian blogger, weighs in with his take on the dictators who've got the Middle East in a headlock. Playing off the meaning of Assad ("lion" in Arabic), Karfan pulls no punches when describing the family that has ruled Syria for the past 35 years:

Most people know the French "King Louis the 16th" whose head was chopped like a potato by the angry mob. Karfan has this theory that when this king's ancestors started their dynasty, they actually had names: the first King Louis and the second King Francois the third King Charles or something. After a while though, people noticed that there are no differences between those kings and stopped bothering giving them different names. They just gave them the name Louis and numbered them: King Louis the 3rd, the 4th and so on.

Now many people here in Syria and outside are chewing what the French people had spat; they are actually giving our kings names in hope that they are going to be different from one another. Karfan is smarter than everybody, he labeled our eternal Leader as "King Lion the 1st" way back when he was still secretly training his "Baby Lion the 1st" to take his place. In fact, karfan never called a single despot in what is so called Arab countries by their names. He figured out early that they are all the beginning of dynasties: "NeoPharon the 1st" of Egypt, "King Jerk the 1st" of Libya etc. In Syria, "Baby Lion the 1st" never made it though; he was murdered by careless Mercedes engineers who could not design a car that can turn a curve with a speed of 300Km/h. But since our Lord had ample reserve of cubs, he started preparing "Baby Lion the 2nd" who became our lord "King Lion the 2nd". Recently, postures have been circulated of one of this new King's babies who did not reach his ten years old with the word "The Hope" on it. That is the future "King Lion the 3rd". Our present leader himself didn't even bother giving his baby a different name, he named him after his father, the eternal Leader.

Here is a photo of King Lion the 2nd (Bashar) with his wife and his son (Hafez - "King Lion the 3rd"):

For more Assad photos, see the cult-of-personality gallery.

Comments

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